Wednesday, April 20, 2011

While Your Busy, Life Happens


I love this picture.  It sums up so much for my life right now.  My focus is on my children and my family.  Everything else just spins around me.  Time passing more quickly each year, each month, each week. 

Until next thing you know you are 31, expecting your third child.  How did it happen?

There have been times when motherhood has been difficult.  There are the middle of the night feedings.  The tantrums.  The scary moments.  The infertility.  The surgery and the endometriosis.

But I have to say that mostly it has been sunny skies, roses, and happiness.  If I look back on the big picture of it all, I just think wow,  I am so lucky.  I am home with these beautiful children.  I get to take them to the playground, on walks, and snuggle them at home.  I am truly blessed.

And now I get to have another baby.  If you had asked me in 2008 that I would be writing a blog post about having a THIRD child I would have probably told you that was impossible.  Just having a second baby seemed to be a goal that was just out of my reach.  Everyone else in the world was pregnant, could get pregnant, except me and Chris. 

Now here we are.

So this little baby is truly a tiny miracle.  Chris and I knew that we had a slim window to try again to have another child.  We could either use that window, or go back on birth control and cross our fingers that the endometriosis wouldn’t progress like it had between Bradley and Ellie.  I would never have another surgery to try and get pregnant.  We were content.  A boy and a girl. 

But, I walk past that third bedroom upstairs and always wondered.  What if?  Could we be so lucky?

This whole time I had continued to nurse Ellie and didn’t try to think anything of it, or let that be my focus in any way.  But, slowly around 10 1/2 months she started to become very uninterested in nursing.  I was so sad, but I kept with it.  I continued to nurse her twice a day for weeks, and then she would only nurse for me in the morning.  I just thought, well she is slowly weaning herself. 

Then February came.  I started to get tired.  Instead of knitting into all hours of the night, or sitting at the sewing machine, I would just plop down on the couch.  Still, I didn’t think anything of it.  I just thought, man I am tired.  I was waking up at 6 to work out, so I thought that was the cause.  Life continued.

Then I started to be very tired and very hungry.  I still didn’t put it all together.  Maybe I am just readjusting to only nursing once a day. Hmmmm…

The last week in February Bradley got the stomach bug.  Looking back, I was about 7 weeks along.  Well, that is always when the nausea hits me at full swing.  I thought that I had Bradley’s little stomach bug.  I never threw up, I felt like I was going to.  This happened Monday morning, Tuesday morning, Wednesday morning.  Hmmmm…  I even asked Chris if he was going to be working close to the house, I just feel horrible.  But then when he called later in the afternoon I would be feeling fine.

Thursday morning we had a playdate with Chloe.  Greta and I were talking and I was telling that I just didn’t feel well.  She said, “I bet you are pregnant.” 

Ummm, no way.  That is just impossible.  First of all that just doesn’t “happen” for Chris and I.  We KNOW about these things.  We have doctors, shots, appointments, charts, dates.  We don’t just walk around not knowing.  That is just not how it works for us.  Thursday night we went to dinner at our favorite little restaurant.  I walked in and the smell made my stomach curl.  You would think after all of this, I would have ran directly to the store.  No, like I said, that isn’t the way things happen for us.

Now, Friday morning, 6:30 am.  I am doing my weight routine at the gym, and staring at myself in the mirror.  This is what I was thinking….

maybe Greta is right?

there is no way?  How could that just happen for us?

I don’t even want to take a test. 

I have taken a million and they almost always say, NOT PREGNANT, YOU SUCK. ok they don’t say the last part, but that is how you feel.

If I even go and take one, I am thinking that it could “just happen” for us and I don’t want to be that naive.

but I have been REALLY tired.

I have been feeling REALLY nauseas.

I think I have a random stick at home from ellie.  I won’t say anything.  I will get bradley to preschool.  I will put ellie down for her nap, and we’ll just see.  then this silly thing will be over, and I can remember that stuff like this doesn’t just happen for us.

we aren’t that lucky.


I guess the morale of the story is, we are that lucky.  We are blessed.

I immediately called Chris.  His exact quote, “That is FU**ING AWESOME.  That is the way it is supposed to be.”

I love him. 

To baby 3, I love you more than words.  I love the magical style that you have come into our lives.  I get to see you today.  Swimming around inside me. 

31 years old.  Pregnant with my third child.  It happened.  I am so thankful.     



Gina said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! You are a wonderful mother and I am so excited for you and your family!

Loved this post, Clare. You are a sweet writer. Thanks for sharing this story and the photos. That first one and the metephor that went with it - perfection!

Penny said...

Congratulations! I love your blog and look forward to the adventures with #3. Take care of yourself.

Lindsay said...

Loved this post! Yay for getting to see baby bean #3 :-) XOXO

laura said...

all teary-eyed and sending all sorts of virtual hugs your way, friend. this post is simply beautiful. your littlest will look back on it one day and know just how loved and adored he/she was right from the start...

can't wait to see his/her first pictures!

Miriam said...

Congrats, Clare! I adore that picture and you totally nailed it with the focus on the kids and everything else spinning around. I feel exactly the same way and never let a day pass without thinking how fortunate I am to be home loving on my four precious kiddos.

amanda said...

chris's reaction?? all sorts of awesome :)

Colleen said...

First I totally love Chris' comment - that's the best!!! I also didn't realize you went through all that. I don't have endo but we had IUI and IVF to our two little blessings. Chris is right - it is awesome to have it happen that way!!

Jennifer said...

So exciting! I love hearing your story! Congrats again!

Jodee said...

OH MY WORD! I couldn't be any happier for you! Enjoy your surprise pregnancy! What a sweet blessing!

aimee said...

Good for you mama bear! Love you!

Laural Out Loud said...

I got a bit teary at the end! Yes, this is a wonderfully magical child! So so so happy for you.