Sunday, October 17, 2010

Hug Them Tightly


This post definitely didn't start this way.  I started writing it on Friday afternoon.  Let's celebrate six months.  That was going to be the theme of this post, but after a phone call this afternoon my perspective has changed.  A blink and your life changes direction.  You look at the world differently.  You hug your children more tightly.  You thank God for all of your blessings and family.


This weekend was beautiful.  It was filled to the brim with family, smiles, and happiness.  There were friends and visitors.  The house was full of children, babies, and laughter.  There were late night talks, cold beers, and giggling about parenthood.  There was a family night dinner at Ottos with out of town friends.  Babies making messes at the table, topped off with homemade ice cream.  Oh life is grand.  

Then Sunday was filled with joy.  The day was beautiful.  The fall air was crisp and clean.  Family was dressed up and ready for celebrating.  Little Ellie was welcomed by God.  Chris and I were welcomed into our new church.  We said prayers for this little blessing that has been such a long road.  I am thankful.  I am full.  I am happy.  We ate lunch, visited, and I watched Ellie get passed from one loving member of the family to the other.  I saw Bradley get his cup filled up by Aunts and Uncles that just can't get enough of him.  It truly was a blessed day.


Then my friend calls tonight.  She says that one of the moms in Bradley's preschool has died.  She was having dinner with her family and became short of breath.  She passed way in the bathroom, leaving a one week old baby and her three year old son.  She was gone.  Gone.  It just doesn't seem possible.  She had a pulmonary embolism, and passed away.  I can't quite make sense of any of it yet.  I just know that I cried while I nursed Ellie to bed tonight.  I lovingly laid her down and rubbed her back until her breathing fell into slumber.  Then I tiptoed into my beautiful little boy's room and kissed him.  I told him I loved him.  I hugged him so tight and kissed his sweet neck.  Then I came downstairs and told chris...if something ever happened to me please tell my kids that I loved them more that life itself. 


I love them with all of my heart and soul.  Every ounce of my being.  They make me a better person.  They made me a Mom, which is the greatest thing I have ever done in my life.  Raising them.  Nursing them.  Caring for them.  Loving them.  Bradley and Ellie you have stolen my heart, and I will never be the same. 



And Liz, Daniel and Emma Jane will grow up knowing that they were loved so much.  I will forever be changed from knowing you.  This is so tragic right now.  Maybe someday I will look back and better understand why this has happened.   


For tonight I will go sleep praying for you.  Your sweet, little 10 day old baby.  Your husband and three year old son.  May they feel your love tonight and in the nights to come.



Jenny said...

Clare what a wonderful tribute to moms and heart goes out to your friend's family..many thoughts and prayers.

Definitely hug them tightly..

laura said...

oh clare...i cannot even imagine.

thinking of you and your friend's family.

now, i'm going to hug my own a little tighter today.

Ang Blanchette said...

There are so many words that take on a new depth of meaning once you become a parent. News of this tragedy leaves me lost in the magnitude of the word "unthinkable."

Clare, your post reminds us to stop and remember to appreciate all the love that we each have in our lives. And in doing so today we honor the life and love of a fellow mother.

Christy said...

That is so sad. I am feeling especially sad for the husband. I can't even imagine the pain he must be in right now.

Lindsay said...

I cannot even begin to imagine the pain the family is going through. They will certainly be in my prayers and my heart is heavy for them. I will certainly be squeezing my family tighter and trying to live more in the moment and less by the to do list.

paige said...

oh clare, that is so tragic and yes, beyond our understanding.
i am praying this morning for that family

your images & your words are just beautiful

amanda said...

this is the second post i have read about this...another mom only with a seven day old. there just aren't words friend.

thinking of you and your friends sweet family.

and as always snuggling my babes even tighter.

Gina said...

She is SUCH a beautiful baby! Love looking at all the lovely photos you take of her!

aimee said...

You said it all - such a tragedy. I think we'll all hold our babes a little tighter.

Your photos are gorgeous. I love the ones of Ellie with the hooded sweater and the toes picture too.

Krystyn said...

Happy 6 months, first.

And, second, wishing I could give my girls a big hug right now. I can't even imagine and don't even know what to say. Thinking of her family right now.