This post definitely didn't start this way. I started writing it on Friday afternoon. Let's celebrate six months. That was going to be the theme of this post, but after a phone call this afternoon my perspective has changed. A blink and your life changes direction. You look at the world differently. You hug your children more tightly. You thank God for all of your blessings and family.
This weekend was beautiful. It was filled to the brim with family, smiles, and happiness. There were friends and visitors. The house was full of children, babies, and laughter. There were late night talks, cold beers, and giggling about parenthood. There was a family night dinner at Ottos with out of town friends. Babies making messes at the table, topped off with homemade ice cream. Oh life is grand.
Then Sunday was filled with joy. The day was beautiful. The fall air was crisp and clean. Family was dressed up and ready for celebrating. Little Ellie was welcomed by God. Chris and I were welcomed into our new church. We said prayers for this little blessing that has been such a long road. I am thankful. I am full. I am happy. We ate lunch, visited, and I watched Ellie get passed from one loving member of the family to the other. I saw Bradley get his cup filled up by Aunts and Uncles that just can't get enough of him. It truly was a blessed day.
Then my friend calls tonight. She says that one of the moms in Bradley's preschool has died. She was having dinner with her family and became short of breath. She passed way in the bathroom, leaving a one week old baby and her three year old son. She was gone. Gone. It just doesn't seem possible. She had a pulmonary embolism, and passed away. I can't quite make sense of any of it yet. I just know that I cried while I nursed Ellie to bed tonight. I lovingly laid her down and rubbed her back until her breathing fell into slumber. Then I tiptoed into my beautiful little boy's room and kissed him. I told him I loved him. I hugged him so tight and kissed his sweet neck. Then I came downstairs and told chris...if something ever happened to me please tell my kids that I loved them more that life itself.
I love them with all of my heart and soul. Every ounce of my being. They make me a better person. They made me a Mom, which is the greatest thing I have ever done in my life. Raising them. Nursing them. Caring for them. Loving them. Bradley and Ellie you have stolen my heart, and I will never be the same.
And Liz, Daniel and Emma Jane will grow up knowing that they were loved so much. I will forever be changed from knowing you. This is so tragic right now. Maybe someday I will look back and better understand why this has happened.
For tonight I will go sleep praying for you. Your sweet, little 10 day old baby. Your husband and three year old son. May they feel your love tonight and in the nights to come.